So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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