to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
foreskin is a definite game changer
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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