At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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