i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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