I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
