i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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