My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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