they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
