so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
