I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
