Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
