I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
