I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
