We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
