I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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