you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
