He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
