I'm lost and stupid without you.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
