Got a toothbrush?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
