Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
