Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
