Only a mothe r could love this liver
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
