i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize