I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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