I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
