Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize