He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
