i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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