Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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