I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
