What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize