I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
