clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just google imaged poop.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
