We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
