The maid of honor just puked.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
