Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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