just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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