He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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