I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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