Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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