just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i barfeds in our rink
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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