now i know why i became what i already was.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
