Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
