i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
