chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
