Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
