ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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