he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
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I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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