Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
