Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize