google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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