Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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