My first STD was from a foam party
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
