it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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