its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
