Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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