I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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