I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
