Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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