1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize