I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
