I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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