i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm always down for nudity.
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