my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
