I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
