just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
