I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
