I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I will be naked everywhere
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
