so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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