I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
