Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
